Last Man Standing

In case you missed the story, a 108 year old man by the name of Harry Richard Landis died on Monday, Feb 4th and with his passing another man, Frank Woodruff Buckles, earned the truly incredible distinction of being the last known surviving American-born veteran of the First World War. Of the 4,734,991 U.S. forces mobilized between 1914 and 1918 Frank Buckles is the last man standing.

02.07. filed under: headlines. history. people. 2


Bored kids will do just about anything to get a high right? Smoke banana peels. Lick toads. Sniff glue. Whatever. I don’t begrudge them their brain destroying fun, but this… this is simply the ultimate of the jonesin genre. Quote: Jenkem is a homemade substance which consists of fecal matter and urine. The fecal matter and urine are placed in a bottle or jar and covered, most commonly with a balloon. The container is then placed in a sunny area for several hours or days or until fermented. The contents of the container will separate and release a gas, which is captured in the balloon. Inhaling the gas is said to give a euphoric high similar to ingesting cocaine but with strong hallucinations.” The down side? The taste of sewage in your mouth which lasts for “several days.”

Sure, it may well be a hoax. But I sincerely hope not. I love the thought of bored kids purposely huffing super-farts just to get a high. Why should junkies and crack-heads be the only ones who get to have that “holy shit, man, I can’t possibly sink any lower than this” moment? Why should adult users be the only ones to have a complete dissolution of dignity and self respect? Plus, the slang for Jenkem is priceless: Butthash. Hahaha. Yes indeed the children truly are the future.

11.08. filed under: headlines. humanity. wtf. 4


Cockroaches that spent 12 days aboard the Russian orbital laboratory Photon-3 - Noah’s Arc, returned to Earth last week. Two of these cockroaches were pregnant, evidently becoming the first Earth creatures to have conceived in space and becoming the first members of the 100,000 mile high club. Russian scientists are expecting these two female cockroach cosmonauts to give birth to “the world’s first offspring conceived in microgravity.” That’s interesting, certainly, but do we really need to help these indestructible little buggers adapt their genes to space as well? Silkworms I’m not too worried about, but roaches?! If we keep this up, when we finally come across a monolith somewhere, there’ll already be cockroaches there, scuttling under it when we shine our flashlights.

In other science-factual news of a fascinating but highly questionable nature- Craig Venter has announced he’s built a synthetic chromosome out of laboratory chemicals, in effect creating the first new artificial life form on Earth. Pants-crappingly good news ay?

10.08. filed under: headlines. science. space.


I was lucky enough to get my grubby hands on a 1931 book titled, as seen above, Sins of America, by Edward Van Every, and my my are they many. It was a follow-up to a book he put out a year earlier titled, Sins of New York. Both books are collections of stories and illustrations which originally appeared in The National Police Gazette and they are fantastic. The Gazette was a sensationalistic tabloid aimed at the “sporting” single men of the 19th Century. It was sold through barber shops and saloons. It was chock full of dramatic woodcuts of sporting events, brutal crimes, female burlesque performers, actresses in racy poses, and the scandals of the day. During it’s peak it had a readership of over 200,000 and was the most successful such publication of it’s time. More than that it can be credited with the invention of the sports page and the gossip column. Pretty much everything we associate with tabloid journalism, as well as men’s magazines, had a start in the Gazette.

10.06. filed under: books. headlines. history. humanity. 2


Quote: At first, it was so white it looked like fairyland. Now it’s filled with so many mosquitoes that it’s turned a little brown. There are times you can literally hear the screech of millions of mosquitoes caught in those webs.

In case you missed the news in August officials at Lake Tawakoni State Park in Texas found a truly enormous spider web that completely engulfed multiple trees and shrubs and which, in it’s entirely, covered about 200 yards of trail. Entomologists were in a tizzy because this sort of thing is exceedingly rare. The Tetragnathidae spiders native to the area are cannibalistic and solitary but this mega-web was evidently built cooperatively, by over 12 different types, to take advantage of unusually good feeding conditions brought on by heavy rains in the early summer. Now at the end of summer its being reported that the web is laden with egg sacs… Wow. Spider cooperation? Is this evolution in action? Would another good feeding season lead to a continuation of spider city? New behavioral patterns continuing on? Lets hope not because you just know what it would ultimately lead to...

 

 

 

09.15. filed under: headlines. science. wtf. 10


KATHMANDU (Reuters)- Officials at Nepal’s state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft. Nepal Airlines, which has two Boeing aircraft, has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due the problem. The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft Sunday at Nepal’s only international airport in Kathmandu in accordance with Hindu traditions, an official said. “The snag in the plane has now been fixed and the aircraft has resumed its flights,” said Raju K.C., a senior airline official, without explaining what the problem had been. (It’s really not necessary for me to make any snide comments on this one is it? Humanity just rules so fucking hard!)

09.05. filed under: headlines. humanity. wtf. 2


Quote: “In one of history’s more absurd acts of totalitarianism, China has banned Buddhist monks in Tibet from reincarnating without government permission. According to a statement issued by the State Administration for Religious Affairs, the law, which goes into effect next month and strictly stipulates the procedures by which one is to reincarnate, is “an important move to institutionalize management of reincarnation.” And you thought the wheel of samsara was complicated now! Ha. Wait and see what some good ‘ol fashioned bureaucracy can do… A lifetime of karmic actions in triplicate anyone? The Pope may have to rethink his stance on purgatory… The real punchline though is less amazingly and perfectly hilarious. Ah well.

08.22. filed under: belief. headlines. politics. 3


That G.W. Bush does not bother reading the paper is a on the record and well known. That the current Administration in Washington on the whole dislikes the press is obvious. First there was the uproar over the revelation of the N.S.A. wire-tapping program. Just last week we witnessed the President, Vice President, and other members of the Administration lash out angrily over the New York Times story which disclosed a secret C.I.A. program to trace financial records. Representative Peter T. King, Republican of New York, even called for a criminal investigation of The Times. It seems that something must be done.

07.02. filed under: !. criticism. headlines. politics. 2


Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is dead.

He’s not only merely dead, he’s really most sincerely dead.

Wake up you sleepyhead. Rub your eyes, get out of bed. Wake up Abu Musab al-Zarqawi’s dead. Tra la la… This morning the news was a-buzz with the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in an air strike. The reporters were all just possitively a-twitter. “Death, Terrorism, and ‘good news’ all in one story?! Whoopee!” I believe I actually saw one correspondent wet himself. I can’t help but react exactly as I did when it was reported that Saddam Hussein was captured, with a resounding “...AND?” It changes nothing.

06.08. filed under: !. death. headlines. politics. 5


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