Patented for Your Pleasure

What are the things we as a species enjoy? I’m going to go out on a limb and pick two- We enjoy sexual pleasure, and we enjoy tinkering with stuff. The confluence of these two interests have lead, over time, to more sexual gadgetry than you could shake an electrode covered phallus at, and it’s amusing for a couple of reasons. For one, I don’t think with all our noodling we’ve ever actually improved on good ol’ sloppy biology. Secondly, and this is the mouth of the comedy gold mine, all these endless inventions of ours must, if they are to ever to hit the market and enter the orifices at large, pass through the patent office. Can you think of a more incongruous pairing than brute sexuality and government forms? Or of the mysterious workings of human arousal and technical diagrams?



DESIRE INC. along with quality patented pleasures… This post is very funny and it’s even more puzzling how it all reminds the recent run for patenting into multi touch digital devices… Hmm multi touch. Arousing business…

posted on 11.14 at 04:53 AMdaniele


Thanks for sharing this. It is quite humorous. I might object, though, to your claim that our tinkering with sex toys has never “improved on good ol’ sloppy biology.” I know many women who prefer the use of vibrators to having sex with men (and not just because they are lesbians). Perhaps you are right, though, and sex toys aren’t an improvement on biology; perhaps they are an improvement on the ways in which many folk treat their partners’ bodies.

posted on 11.14 at 02:26 PMMichael Faris


My first thought upon viewing the “Breast Development Jacket” was “Milking Machine.”

posted on 11.14 at 03:17 PMJack Rusher


@Michael: Yeah, I was going to hedge on exactly that point, but then I figured, as you say, it’s not so much the blunt instrument as the the hand which wields it.

@Jack: There were plenty of those on evidence as well. Thought the “Development” jacket was better fodder since it serves vanity rather than a sensible purpose.

posted on 11.14 at 04:49 PMjmorrison


Only *YOU* would go out on a limb. HA!!!

VR/

posted on 11.14 at 11:56 PMJoe Moran


The anti-rape device operates very similarly to the Spanish Inquisition chastity belts that I saw during a traumatising afternoon at an Inquisition museum in Spain some years ago.

I would google some pictures but I’m in work at the moment and and some search strings were not made for the office.

posted on 11.15 at 06:01 AMPierce


I, um, want to wear and/or use them all at once. For Science, of course. May the best gizmotron win.

posted on 11.15 at 09:03 PM.


Tom: the word ‘gizmotron’ reminded me that I actually speculated on where all this would end some years ago in a short piece called Orgasmatron.

posted on 11.15 at 09:10 PMJack Rusher


Well, that was refreshing.

posted on 11.19 at 11:15 PM.


I wouldn’t say anything more except that the next auth word is “hard” and I just have to use it.

posted on 11.19 at 11:17 PM.


I wish to subscribe to your catalogue. I will gladly pay you tuesday.

posted on 11.21 at 09:24 PMpeacay


I see that Pierce has gone and postulated his own (via the distribution channel and cover of Sony) – The Fantisight. Good stuff.

posted on 11.22 at 07:27 PMjmorrison


Search for the history of sex toys in google image search, shows some pretty cool sex toys

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posted on 08.20 at 03:35 AMLungi

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