In case you’ve been gnashing your teeth at the silence here and cursing me under your breath, let it be known I’ve been a bit under the weather and will return when I’ve finished sweating. Hopefully the “miraculous and splendiferous radium pills” I picked up on ebay (for a song!) will do the trick.

12.10. filed under: personal.

Diverticulitis is my guess - Desi Arnaz was a fellow sufferer. Metamucil is truly the food of the gods.
Poop on, nonist.

posted on 12.10 at 09:13 PMLex10

If you hold your head under a scalding hot shower ... that will cure you. Or, if you go down to the local Thai restaurant and get some Thom Yum soup ... that will cure you. Or if you drink lots of whiskey ... or if you look at online porn ... or sacrifice goats on runways ... or celebrate obscure Roman/Greek/German/Irish holidays ... Oh, nevermind. Just take some nyquil already.

Just don’t go outside in an icestorm and try to scrape your window after having a few in your local tavern. You’ll get cold!!! Even with a hat on.



posted on 12.10 at 10:45 PMJoe Moran

Jameson.  It cures all.  And if you drink enough it even cures broken bones.  I’m serious, I know from experience!

posted on 12.10 at 10:52 PM.

“What’s the difference between a cold and a ‘flu? Women get colds, men get the ‘flu.”

This is what my mam always says.

posted on 12.11 at 11:17 AMPierce

That’s funny: your anti-bot word is ‘cold’!

If germs are involved, take astragalus capsules per instruction, 3000 mg/day of Vitamin C (sounds like a lot but that’s how much I take!) and eat Cold-Eze like they was candy. Taken together these rev up your immune system and eviscerate the organisms without mercy.

It may be that your testosterone is low. You can raise it by humiliating and destroying an enemy. Go ahead, treat yourself!

If you’re feeling weak and have an urge to feast on insects and spiders, you may have come under the influence of some Eurotrash ‘count’ with a blood-borne supernatural disease. Just do his bidding; then, when vigilantes bearing wooden stakes take an interest in your case, offer to rat him out.

If you have a yeast infection, by all means stop opening champagne bottles with your vagina. There comes a day when nobody wants to see you perform that particular trick.

Also, drilling a hole in your skull to let in the oxygen in the air directly to your brain: doesn’t work. You need to inject liquid oxygen into the brainstem. This is a highly specialized operation, although I myself have gotten to the point that I can do it while writing a comme tnntn uuuuggghhhhhh hphpppphhhhhh googhoooooooohhhhhhhh—

posted on 12.13 at 09:22 PM.

Radium pills?  Dontcha know thats not the preferred method of ingestion:

posted on 12.15 at 12:26 AM.

hurry up and get better…
i’m getting dumber ;-)

posted on 12.16 at 09:43 PMachilles3

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