surely you’ve all heard of Lorenz’s butterfly effect. generally it is phrased as some variation of the original which goes, “Does the Flap of a Butterflyís Wings in Brazil set off a Tornado in Texas?” well the nonist has it on good authority (an authority who wished to remain anonymous- an “unnamed source” you might say) that in light of the extremely destructive hurricane events on american shores in recent years, president george w. bush has secretly undertaken an initiative to find out the truth about these “natural” disasters and will, in the coming days, announce his findings. these findings may shock you.
as early as 2000 george bush had heard some variation on lorenz’s postulated butterfly effect. usually it was at a fundraiser with some egghead types and it was phrased in a vague manner. “does a butterfly flapping it’s wings cause a hurricane somewhere far away?” butterflies and “far away” places aren’t his top priority and as such he didn’t pay much attention. but early last year, at a poker game, bush heard some of his discovery institute buddies joking around, reading out loud from a “science” book, and lorenz’s question was read in it’s original phrasing.
“Does the Flap of a Butterflyís Wings in Brazil set off a Tornado in Texas?”
the mention of texas made president bush take notice. “hey. don’t mess with texas!” he asked his buddies to repeat it.
“Does the Flap of a Butterflyís Wings in Brazil set off a Tornado in Texas?”
it was a crucial moment. an epiphany struck the president. “what if the hurricanes striking american soil were not ‘natural’ at all? what if they were attacks engineered by the haters of freedom?!
unbeknownst to all but his closest handlers bush began an inquiry into these hurricanes. once he established that lorenz’s idea was sound he charged his science advisors to track the possible source of all hurricanes which hit america in the last 4 and a half years. they took to the task with vigor, by our sources’ account reading more goat entrails and praying harder than they had since their evidence gathering mission for collin powell’s anthrax presentation. within 6 months they hit pay dirt. their findings confirmed exactly what bush had suspected. a secret lepidary located somewhere within the borders of iran was almost certainly the source of every hurricane in the last 4 and a half years! incredible!
just a week after this bombshell within the bush camp a secret service agent with a pension for philatelical studies came forth with chilling evidence. he presented the president with a group of seemingly ordinary iranian stamps which to bush’s way of thinking obviously represented a devious covert signaling system of some kind the likes of which had not been seen since that “enigmer machine the krauts used in the big one.”
plans are moving forward quickly now. bullet point packets have been sent to all high level republicans and pundits. top notch power point presentations are being put together. paper trails for butterfly larva purchases are being gathered. banners are being printed. think we are kidding? well think again. our source supplied us with this exclusive photo of condoleeza rice prepping for her imminent address to the u.n. security council.
operation bug-crusher is just around the corner. you heard it here first.