this holiday season, when other lonely people are suffering more acutely than ever, poised over window ledges and sighing at the ease with which their oven knobs turn, don’t despair! try something new. you’ve tried to meet people, you really have, we know. you’ve gone to singles bars, taken tango lessons at the community center, taken part in every flash mob for a ten mile radius, dressed in your best duds. you’ve tried friendster, lovester, slavester, probester… you’ve gone on blind dates and dates with the blind but nothing seemed to click. well you’ve tried the rest, now try the best. meet real live ladies of the pen. these ladies are behind bars and waiting for you’re love. their release dates are listed clearly and most are willing to relocate. a simple inquiry with the dept of corrections can reveal their offense. so drop that noose, pick up a pen, write a letter, shower her with her favorite cigarettes, and let the lovin’ begin.