holidays aren’t quite over yet. still things that must be done, people to be seen, appeased, soothed, loved. sitting now with the newcastle nut brown ale, alone, imagining my belly growing. smoking my ten trillion cigarettes imagining the spread of black sludge to places unseen and the hungry hungry hospital beds beckoning sweetly. thinking about this damned web site, all the promise, how hard it is to grab people and hold them, get them involved. makes me fucking crazy.
it’s fun, no question. ramble on, gather, gleen, post. yes, yes, i do enjoy it. but the tumbleweeds! oh those damned tumbleweeds, blowing through the comments section. depressing. i hear the words of the sympathetic “only been 5 months, very hard to start a community, thus and thine, row row row your boat, goodly lad or no!” but small consolation. words on top of my own pile. enough to choke a show pony.
today something happened which annoys the hell out of me, twice as much because i have no explanation. as of this morning, each and every time i type the word the it appears like this: th e. enter that into a sentance and you get something like this: th eartist and th efool are so close often times as to be indistinguishable. see th eproblem? i don’t know why this has happened. can’t begin to imagine. freudians might well tell me it’s because i want desperately to murder my second cousin and marry his pet rattlesnake hilda, but i don’t buy it. noam chomsky would likely say he could not offer any answer. our fine president, bless his saintly soul, would likely tell me it was simply jesus’s will, he president and me unable to type the word the ever after. but i don’t buy that either.
were i to do that thing that doctors do, (what’s the fucking word?!) make a (blank)... diagnosis! were i to diagnose myself i would place this unfortunate condition as a side effect of jaimita agita, a rare masculine version of 17th century “hysteria” commonly attributed to crazed lasses, caused by drained bank accounts, hooting and howling holiday animosity run amok, shifting familial proximities, cat dander, and self hating webmaster dimensia. either that or it has something to do with the 14 oz steak i ate last night, topped off with a godiva “chocolate death rattle” cake.
in any case it has proved an annoyance.
as i mentioned the dread holidays are not quite over yet. there are still thoughtful gifts to be purchased and train trips to be taken. i can only hope that when i am eighty my hospital bed will be ground zero for the xmass celebrations and i’ll finally be able to stay “home” and relax. i can see it now, cheap tinsel clinging to the i.v. stand. a poinsettia bright red against the clinically plain walls. on the six inch hospital television fevered cnn reports on the state of retail sales for holiday season 2054. oh the joy!
in the meantime i open my pathetic wallet, i stand in lines, i sit beside strangers, i stake my claim, raising the wind whipped flag of son and brother and nephew and cousin, proclaiming “merry christmas! merry christmas and a happy new year!” i click the silky webmasterly buttons, creating paragraphs and links and megabytes galore! the three rotating soon to four i stand, flanked on one side by red poinsettias on the other by brittle tumbleweeds. ah th epoetry. aint life grand?