ok, since we seem to be in a bantering state of mind, let me just say a few things. every morning i wake up, groggy, mind gone, and sit on the couch next to my old lady. she’s already got some morning news show on and while i sit there with my first smoke and maybe a little o.j. awaiting the weather report i sit through 15 minutes or so of t.v…
what the fuck is up with these evil, empty, sickening, phony, pathetic, “suckers of satan’s cock” on television? let me offer a news flash of my own for these twats. the scott peterson trial is over!! ok? it is fucking o v e r. he got the death penalty. there is nothing left to say. a jury decided this guy deserved to sit in a cell sucking down taxpayers money while he waits 30 years to be killed “humanely”. ok? no where to go from there folks. end of the line. stop interviewing the guy who delivered lunch to the jurors and lacey’s third cousin and find a new story. who killed biggie? who killed pac? who killed jam master jay?! just kidding, i don’t give a shit.
similarly: Bernard Kerik has withdrawn. he is no longer under consideration. it’s over! nothing more to be said. enough about the vetting process, about his maid, about his taser stock. enough! katie couric, you silly cunt, shut your mouth! all you newsies, shut it! how dare any of you suddenly start “getting tough” with people on the facts of this meaningless story when you have not held anyone even remotely near, let alone over, the coals on countless serious, important news stories. we are currently engaged in a bloody war in some distant foreign land are we not? you prancing preening bullshit artists.
also: thanks for those stunning news reports and side by side photos explaining that Viktor Yushchenko was poisoned with dioxin. so very interesting. only problem is, we all already knew that, because it had been reported like two weeks ago by news agencies which actually consider world news ever so slightly meaningful. Yushchenko’s poisoning isn’t as news worthy as jessica simpson’s dad or lindsey lohan’s current weight of course… just admit it, you only reported it because there was a hideous car wreck of a photo people could rubber neck and a story line right out of c.s.i.
additionally: the “roomba” is not the answer to all your prayers. ok? it’s a piece of shit little sharper image gadget with collision detection and some weak battery powered suction. that’s all. it will not allow you to sit on your fat filthy ass, dropping ever more bright orange chito crumbs on your rug, only to be miraculously cleaned by your talented and loyal obsessive compulsive go-bot. chances are it would take that thing 6 years to clean every inch of your filthy hovel with it’s random wall bouncing trajectories. so put down the brownies and coors light, get off your ass and plug in the fucking vacuum.
lastly: to the marketers behind lemony snicket, a series of bowel emptying events- eat a dioxin laced turd. i’m sick of the endless stream of your ugly commercials. or as st. hicks once so sweetly intoned “kill yourself.”
that’s it for now. please take this chance and use the comment section to vent your own minor or major grievances.