today the cassini spacecraft made it’s first fly by of saturn’s largest moon, titan. “long hidden behind a thick veil of haze, titan, the only known moon with an atmosphere, is ready for its close-up. this visit may settle intense speculation about whether this moon of saturn harbors oceans of liquid methane and ethane beneath its coat of clouds.” in january cassini will drop Huygens onto titan’s surface for an even closer view, and evidently a listen. the spacecraft is fitted with a special microphone for just this purpose. “the sound of alien thunder, the patter of methane rain and the crunch (or splash) of a landing, all might be heard as Huygens descends to the surface of Titan.” you know…

imagining these project managers, astrophysicists, engineers, number crunchers, all sitting behind their various read outs and screens, helping to make possible man’s first exploration of untouched celestial bodies halfway across the solar system… well it makes me feel silly to be honest. it makes me wish that maybe i had taken the time to learn my multiplication tables in 5th grade, and not set into motion that chain reaction which lead to a lifetime of mathematical ineptitude. these people are (by proxy, granted) exploring the surface of other fucking planets, and moons. they are flying through the tails of comets and shit. whatever it is i happen to do all day can not possibly be as fascinating or important as that. (it does not help that what i am

actually doing all day is not even as fascinating as what nasa’s janitorial staff scrape off of the cape canaveral cafeteria floor.) i imagine them listening intently as huygens crashes through the titian atmosphere, listening for thunder and rain on a moon around another planet! analyzing data to help get a clearer picture of the moon’s surface… meanwhile all i’m qualified to do is hit the refresh button on my browser while i impatiently wait for the nasa site to post pictures and audio of their findings.

you know, art can be fun. being able to create things, perceiving the world in a certain way, being able to find beauty in unexpected places, these are nice abilities. a life preoccupied with aesthetics can occasionally feel interesting, fun, beautiful. their is a high that goes along with the act of creation which i have to assume is unlike any other. sure, like most any high it’s followed by a crash and a self hatred also unlike any other. overall a life dedicated to making pretty things is not so bad. but in the scheme of things? there seem to be two paths a creative person can take. you can be a navel gazer, creating art for art’s sake, offering nothing to the world in the end but evidence of your own way of seeing, and the arrogant assumption that it was needed. or you can be a wretched corporate shill, renting out whatever paltry “skill” you might have in order to help package, brand, and push more useless shit to other imbeciles, filling the world with just “that” much more cheap, gussied up ugliness. i am lucky enough to be able to do both. what could be better than that?

seeing as how neither of my flaccid mathless pursuits statistically tend to bring vast riches, i will likely not be able to experience the true wonders of the universe in the only other way available, as a tourist. at best i can read it second hand, as with this interview cnn conducted with one of the few lucky ones. as for me, i’m gonna go do what comes naturally now and watch hours of pointless time destroying television in my exorbitantly expensive urban hovel, secure in the fact my life has been a long string of fantastic choices, that art is noble, and that my life has been well spent. good luck all ye bustling spacecraft and good night sweet world.