to any of you out there strapping a bomb to your transmission, pouring lighter fluid on a cross, shaking a spray paint can in a temple, etc, let me just offer this: the beliefs you are so fanatical about proliferating and defending are most likely not your own. that is to say, statistically, you almost certainly inherited those treasured beliefs. your religious affiliation is based on the exact same criteria which dictates the baseball or soccer team you follow. that is a fact.

your beliefs are based on two factors. ancestry and geography. if your father was a cubs fan and you live in chicago, then you are a cubs fan. most likely your father’s father was also a cubs fan. it’s that simple. weather or not the cubs suck. 

if you look at a map of religious affiliations world wide you can see this very clearly. for example although hinduism is the third largest religion in the world, the VAST majority of adherents are located in india. the same applies for all major religions. though there is a world wide dispersion, the geographical boundaries for popularity of any one faith holds hard and fast. the majority of all cultural affiliations are inherited and only a small percentage of overall religious affiliation is composed of converts. i.e. people who choose their religion as adults when their brain is capable of little things like informed comparison and rational thought. ( in point of fact, as far as converts go, the largest growing belief system planet wide is secularism. it is not considered a religion, of course, so it’s riseis not easy to track in comparison to other belief systems, but among adults freely choosing their beliefs based on personal ideals rather than those passed on, secularism has been steadily on the rise for a hundred years. ) most peoples religious beliefs are cemented by the age of 12.

so what does this mean for you, oh righteous lifter of the sword, oh espouser of moral and spiritual imperatives? it means you are indoctrinated into fandom. it means every time you call someone a saint or martyr your giving them an m.v.p. award. it means every time you give money to fund some extreme religious action your buying a six dollar hotdog and watered down plastic cup of beer. every time you gather into a mob all you’re doing is painting big blue letters on your collective chests spelling out the name of your team. it means when you act violently on behalf of your religion all you are doing is raising a big foam hand that says, we’re #1.

in short it means you are a follower, that you are offering nothing new or vital to this planet and it’s inhabitants, and sadly, it probably means you’re not very smart. ( don’t like that conclusion? well their have been studies since the 1920’s showing the inverse relationship between intelligence and religious fervor. and here’s a nice quote for you “So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.” —Bertrand Russell. ring any bells? ) but hey, it’s not up to me to preach, i know better. the fact remains though that the only difference between you and any average everyday sports fan is that your expressions of fandom hurt people, and make the world just a little bit worse. truth be told a lot of us rational folks are sick and tired of you. i mean really. who the fuck cares which team you root for? just buy a jersey and a hat and watch the game, because you are most certainly not fit to be a player in it. the end.

AFTERWORD.
if indeed you are an adult convert to an organized faith, well, whoopee for you, i hope you don’t have gunpowder under your fingernails, because if you do then, well, you have no excuse at all.
if you are on the fence about your beliefs, rejoice! that’s easily solved, because weather you realize it or not religions are evidently so simplistic that their basic tenants can be summed up in a short internet quiz. input your beliefs and this quiz will graciously tell you which religion you in fact belong to.

now, can we get on with our lives please? (go yankees!)